Better day

better afternoon, feeling better about somethings, talked to my big brother and i needed that.. well ill write more as my night progresses, im talking to my husband gosh i miss him so much to..

wtf really

Ok so here starts my rant for the day. who spends like 110 dollars on eating out fast food and bars and actuall restraunts and some things for the baby when your tight on money and your on a vacation, while the other half of your family has nothing really to eat, and has been pretty much living off of mac n cheese, rice, hot dogs. oh and mcds once. .. as the mommy ill try to go with out eating a meal or two,so i can feed my son, since my son eating is more important.. i have never felt like my son and i mean nothing to a certain person ever in my life... im not going to lie i did spend a little bit of money on a couple of christmas gifts for my children and a pair of shoes for me and mcds and taco johns once which i had spent 49 dollars. Iv had to borrow little bits of money from my mother so i can buy cheap food to eat, or put some gas in our vehicle.. well now we only have enough money for my husband to fly home cause he needs to pay for his luggage and then well have maybe 20 dollars to last us to next pay day and that prolly wont happen cause i need to pust some kind of gas in our durango so i can pick my husband and daughter up from the airport sunday night well maybe their flight got canceled again so who knows when ill see my daughter and husband again. I just hope hell be home for christmas. This stupid storm on the east coast is making it harder for me to be calm and not so emotional... like a really good friend said bah hum bug. if it wasnt for my son loving the lights and the decorations that everyone has out for christmas i prolly wouldnt care.. things are tight and i feel like im starting to loose myself in all of my emotions and feelings. i dont know if i need help from a dr. or what but like i said im loosing myself and i cant do that to my kids they are my everything without them i would die. god please hear my plea../ prayer.. please help me get through this and let me find my way and the ability to be strong...

Stupid Snow Storms

As if today couldnt get any worse my husband calls and tells me his flight was canceled, cause of a snow storm hitting dc really hard right now.. and since he had a lay over in dc they canceled it... so now i wont see my daughter or husnad till sunday night.. can this trip go any worse.. im already not in a good place in my mind or emotionally.. I just need my daughter home and my husband home so him and i can talk cause if dont get things settled i dont know how things will go..

Respect and compramise

Where to start.. hmmm yesterday was truely my worst day since my husband and daughter left.. the husband told me he was going to go have lunch with his sister and an old friend from high school, ands of course take our daughter. well i come to find out later on yesterday that his old friend was an ex girl friend. i got upset who on earth takes their daughter to meet an ex. when clearly you know that your wife is going to freak out cause yes the wife has issues concering his ex's. Well the husband tells me i have to deal with it cause he has friends that are his ex's especially where he grew up.. i shouldnt have to deal with it, its out of respect for me that he doesnt talk to his ex's. he doest see it that way, and he most likely thinks i over react..

and then to top it off the husbands family my in laws decide its ok to celebrate my daughters birthda early with cake since they wont beable to celebrate it with us.. well i said to my husband jokingly that well looks like i wont get her a cake. the husbands reply was: well you have to understand that its hard for my family to miss all her firsts, i was like umm your family has gotten to see her, meet her, play with her.. and some of my family hasnt even met her yet.. wtf im thinking. your family can always fly out here the have more money then we do to fly or drive there to pa..

Marrige is suppose to be about love and compramise.. well im tired of always giving and not getting anything in return.. MY SON AND I WILL ALWAYS COME SECOND, and his family will come first in his life. cause all i hear is they dont live here and they dont get to see her as much as they like.. blah blah blah.. we see his family once a year if not more, and my family we see my mom all the time but the other part of my family we have not seen together. iv seen them and spent time with them in nov. 2007 . an that was the last time.. and he has seen his family 3 times this year... like iv said before things need to change or im gonna be un happy and possibly divorced/single. im hurting emotionally right now and i am confused. i just want my daughter home..

What a day

So my day was pretty productive. Got some furniture moved to storage so now i can start the cleaning process for the house so we can get the heck out of base housing, and start saving money... Cause god knows we can use some extra money.

Ahh i cant wait till saturday Kerry and Brennah will be home. Being away from my daughter for the first time every, is so hard. I feel lost because im use to being with both of my children all day and only being with Hayden for this week brings back a past i dont ever want to look upon again.. Raising a child as a single mom is hard at a young age of 22. I dont wish that hardship on any young mother.. But i do know what i can always remember is that year taught me alot and i know how strong i can and need to be for my son and daughter. I am greatful for meeting my husband when i did and for him always being by my side and sticking with me.. And being a great father.. (step father) to my son..